So, just took a little nap, started dreaming, didn't finish the dream, but got enough info in this dream to think.OK, for some reason, I was so over church, I was so over them not letting me do what God had called me to do, I was so over all the bullcrap teachings of man, and so over the pastor crying for 35 in over an offering. So, I went to church, and the same weekly bull started, the worship,so, I refused to stand in protest, sat, my mother like to flip out, she would come over and try to lift me outta the seat, so after this the first few times, I get up after dumping the entire contents to my overnight bag, all over the seat, and then making noise stuffing it all back into my bag, I left that sanctuary, went down the hall, and out to the back door, well this was on a beach, and I looked to see the rough waters of that beach storming, almost as if God himself was mad at me for leaving that church! But, I left, closed the door behind me, and stood in the pouring rain for a few min...was I all wrong? Was I crazy for what I just did? I go up to that door, and go to reopen it, the door is locked, I managed to wiggle it back open, I step in to see that crazy pastor almost running after me, I looked and quickly took off to that ocean! IN my head I was thinking, this from a pastor who did more crying than pastoring..this guy was no pastor, or teacher, he was just a man, who was filled by something, and in my running I began to think...maybe all this time, that is what I really longed for??? I know this was just a dream, but I was thinking, maybe this is what I wanted to have? A real Pastor , someone to really not give up on me! In real life I have not had 1 pastor come after me!! They all turned away, and was like well let them be! One of those pastors actually stood behind a cart one day I seen them, like I was gonna hurt them or something, I got a hug from the wife, but not him. Another just says hi..Another, didn't even recognize me, even with all 4 kids, and 6 months of worship with them! Not that I am someone all important, but why or how can you have these people in your lives, share your most treasured secrets with, and they treat you now like you never exsisted? How can that be?
This dream falls on the heels of someone that I used to go to church with, they had a sick child, and now, I can not get them off my mind, I have no way of contacting them either, but, please let me know why you are filling my head with thoughts about this person alllllllllllll day!!!
I think sometimes dreams are some of what is happening in the subconscience, and this may be real..to a point! In my mind I guess, I have been wondering, why hasn't anyone even bothered to chase after me? Or at least call and say, how are you doing? But, in this sick world, I have not had anything like that happen. I am kind of numb right now, not like hurt, but like wow, what if Jesus just let us go...what if Jesus just turned his back on us? What would we be like?? Just some more ramblings of my mind....
Someone has chased after you. God. In this age of man, all men (as in humans) care about is themselves, if you are of no useful gain to them, or if you aren't on their side they will leave you at the drop of a hat. I think you finally doing something in protect was your way of telling everyone you were no longer "standing" for what has been going on, and running out the door to a beach was showing you your 2 states of mind (the ideas you had about God/Church Ect Before, and the ideas you have now) and by trying to run back into the church you were trying to turn back to something familiar instead of the new adventure. The waves were rough and unsteady so you were craving that steadiness that you knew before. However when you looked back and were reminded of why you left the building you no longer had the fear of the waves, because you knew that God was with you. As far as you thinking about this person, I honestly don't know. The most you can do is pray for them, and ask God "whats up with that?!?"
ReplyDeletewow!!!just wow!!:O)
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